January 14 – Reflect

We’re almost to the mid point of the month and I’ve realized that I’m running out of “new” things to do and post about. Today is Monday, for example, and I’ve gone to Masala Bhangra like I promised, but I already posted about that. I cooked some dinner. I read a little bit. I watched TV. I talked to a friend. There’s not much time left in the day after dance, dinner, and writing to add something else and I don’t want to this month to get overwhelming, right?

For today, I thought I would reflect on how this month has gone so far. You see, I started this project as a way to fight the post-holiday-blues. January, February and March are long, cold months when I often find myself frustrated and sad for reasons that seem to be purely seasonal. Spring helps and summer is wonderful and fall is my favorite and then it’s the holidays and afterward we do it all again.

So far, though, I haven’t felt those blues. I’ve had rough days, sure, but not that constant feeling of blah. I think it is at least partially because I have been doing things and I refuse to slow down, but I also think it is because I’ve been writing about my day at the end of it. I’m not even doing too many things that are different. They are mostly things that I did inconsistently, but making a commitment to be consistent. I went to the gym before this month, but I’m determined to make a schedule of it and keep it. I wrote before this month, but not regularly. So I can’t even really point to the addition of these things as the source.

Reflecting on what I’ve done during the day is helping me feel calm about it all. It’s helping me remember that I am making an effort to make each day matter. Even on the days I am lazy and don’t do much other than watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer or catch up on Downton Abbey, I do it because it’s what I need to recharge. Writing each day helps me figure out what exactly I did that day that was meaningful, what helped me stay on this road, and for that I’m grateful. Sometimes it also helps me figure out what didn’t work.

I used to journal quite regularly, but stopped after a while. I just lived through the day, why did I need to hash out the details again? Once I started blogging, I didn’t feel the need for that journal. My early days of blogging, though, read more like a personal journal for a public space. It’s clear that I should incorporate more of that into my blogging once I’m not blogging every day, but I don’t think this will become a purely personal blog. It’s still about the words: books, poems, stories, writing. But I want there to be a place for this in my life, whether it is a handwritten journal or a digital one.

The motto for this month has really been do anything, but do it meaningfully. Writing it down at the end of the day puts it into perspective. For that, I’m happy.

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